some love...

Sometimes I think about the boy that I am going to fall in love with. I wonder if I've met him, what he's doing, and where he is. I wonder what he will be like, if he will like music, what he will look like. I hope that his life is good and that he is happy. I want all the best things for him and I hope that someday I will be the best thing for him. I'm very much looking forward to falling in love and getting married. I hope it will be soon--but not too soon. There is a lot I want to do before I get married. But someday, it will happen for me. And I am really excited for that time in my life.

Some Photoshop Stuff

Last night I put Photoshop on my laptop. :)

Marissa

Tonight my darling friend Marissa asked me to take a quick headshot of her before she goes to a Broadway camp in California next week. You need to understand, this girl is the most incredibly talented person I know. She has been in over 30 shows, including a ton of stuff for the Church. She knows Sister Dalton personally because she's gotten to work with her. She goes with her family to do humanitarian work all the time and she's really just the most genuinely sweet person. I LOVE to be around her, to talk to her and I try to emulate her. Marissa will do amazing things with her life and I'm glad I got to take a couple of pictures of her. :)

Clue

Yesterday I wore make-up and did my hair for the first time all week. When you wake up at 5:00 am it doesn't make much sense to get ready. But I wanted to look cute last night. And I looked dang cute. I went to a play with some friends, up Provo canyon in an ampitheater. It rained and rained and rained. I was hoping a certain someone was going to come and keep me warm. Unfortunately I had to keep myself warm. And the rain turned my hair from freaking cute to crazy butt. So when I finally got to see a specific person, I was not looking so cute. But that didn't seem to matter. :)

when life gives you crap...

Grab the plunger. Today when I got home from work, I discovered the joy of a clogged toilet. I have dealt with this kind of thing before, but usually I have the opportunity to share it with my dad and he takes care of it for me. In this case I had no such option, seeing as my parents are currently out of the country. So I grabbed the plunger. As I plunged, and plunged and kept plunging, I started to think about all the "crap" that life tends to dish out. Sometimes the "toilet" can get clogged with all sorts of unpleasant things to deal with. In these cases, we have some options. We can ignore it and hope it goes away, we can dump it on someone else for them to deal with, but sometimes we simply don't have that option, and in that case we have to grab the plunger.

Sometimes when we start plunging, a little bit of the crap water splashes on us, so we learn how to handle it so that that doesn't happen again. After a few plunges, we may think that the problem should be fixed, so we try and flush only to find that we made it worse. So we finally figure out that the only way to fix the problem is to keep plunging, keep going until the result is finally seen. It is unpleasant. It isn't fun. But it is necessary. And just when we think that the stupid toilet will never unclog, there is a beautiful gurgling noise and voila. All the crap is gone.

In my life, I've been given some crap. And I've tried to ignore it for a while, or dump it on someone else. But I know that that doesn't work. So I've grabbed the plunger, and tried to fix the problem. Sometimes I go in with good intentions but I haven't quite figured out how to handle the problem, and some crap water gets on me. And there have been times when I thought the problem was fixed, only to find that flushing made it worse. Sometimes it feels like it will never get better. But I know that if I keep plunging, there will someday be a beautiful sound and I will know that I have successfully unclogged the toilet.

I'm really grateful for the opportunities that I have every day to learn and grow, even from the unpleasant experiences. Unclogging the crap from the toilet isn't really all that bad in retrospect. This won't be either.

a time to change.

I honestly didn't think that being graduated would feel very different from being in high school. I was very wrong. It's been a huge change, at least for me. Here are some things that just feel different:

For one, throughout all of high school, and especially with being on Seminary Council I have had this perception about dating and being serious with someone and that high school was not the time for that. And I still really believe that. One of my best friends described it so perfectly. She said, "high school is the time to develop your personal relationship with Heavenly Father, not with a guy or girl." And i 100% agree with that. I'm so glad that I avoided anything serious with anyone throughout my high school years. I almost made it the whole way not having kissed anyone, but I had my first kiss at prom. :) Anyway, all of that is beside the point. I've had this "no-dating" mentality for a long time now, and now that high school is over, it's been a little confusing. I've had questions about "is it ok to start being serious with people?" and after a lot of speculation, I think that it is. And I'm not totally sure what all that entails right now, but I will figure it out.

Things pertaining to my curfew, my chores and other rules have changed dramatically. I actually wasn't really expecting that, but I don't have a curfew anymore, I apparently don't have to ask to go places, I don't have to do chores, I mostly can do whatever I want. Which I really like, but I'm trying to still be involved with my family. My mom may not believe I am doing that, but I really am.

Today I went to the singles ward for the first time. I didn't really know what to expect, and I didn't know if I would like it, but I actually really loved it. I felt very comfortable there, and I really respected the people who were teaching. They are only a few years older than me, but they seemed so confident in what they were doing. I had also really been expecting that it would feel as though we were just pretending, and playing the parts and filling the roles. It wasn't like that at all. Everything felt very real, and the whole time I kept thinking "this is where I need to be." And it is where I wanted to be. It was really great.

My job: I am working full-time at Wavetronix this summer making traffic sensors. I LOVE this job. So much. The one and only down side is that I have to wake up at 5:15 every morning so be to work at 6. Other than that, I love the people, the work, the pay, and I like getting home at 3 every day. It's the perfect job. :) You should be jealous.

It's bizzare to me that two weeks ago I was still suffering through high school, and I couldn't imagine my life being any different than it was. Then after one simple ceremony, everything has changed forever. There is no going back. It's actually a really awesome feeling. I like this transitory stage going on right now, and I get more and more excited for college every day. Here's to life...bring it on!

What do you do when all you want is something that will destroy something you already have? How is it possible for best friends to like the same guy?
And then the guy chooses you, not her. Then what do you do?
I gave it up. Somthing that was making me so happy. Because I knew that I couldn't be happy with something that would make her unhappy.
So unfortunately, I wouldn't have been happy with the thing that made me happy in the first place.
This is entirely a lose-lose situation. I am the loser. Both times.

"I want to speak my heart out loud." "We have to hide the things we feel." "That I will love you til I die." "How can we hide what's now so real?" "If we can't tell it to the crowd, we'll just declare it to the sky."

No matter what I choose, someone gets hurt, and both times, it is me. So which option hurts the least amount of people?